So here it is: four years ago M and I decided to start a family. We'd been married 3 1/2 years and figured it was time. Two years later with nothing to show, I decided to get checked out. There was nothing wrong with me. M got checked out. Nothing wrong with him either. Was told to keep trying. It's now been four years. Back in January I saw a new doctor. She discovered a problem with my thyroid and insulin levels and placed me on medication, to try and get my body leveled out in the hopes that that would help. I've been on medication for five months and still nothing. I'm supposed to wait at least a year for the medication to have a chance before seeing a specialist. But it's REALLY hard when I keep seeing babies and birth announcements everywhere. Even my sister-in-law is pregnant. She's only been married 3 years. I've been trying longer than she's even known her husband. It's hard to be happy for all these people. To be perfectly honest, every time I've visited my husband's family I've ended up crying in the bathroom because it's so hard to see his sister. And M doesn't help at all. Whenever I try to tell him how I feel, he just gets quiet. There's no comforting hug or words. If he does speak, it's to tell me it's not a big deal. Except that it's the biggest deal I've ever had to go through. The past couple of months I've started to worry that I'm becoming depressed. Not just weepy, but legit medically depressed. Not that I'd know for sure because frakkin insurance doesn't cover mental health. Nor does it cover fertility treatments. So if I do end up needing a specialist, I'm S out of luck b/c I won't be able to afford $30K.
Ok, I think that's the end of my feeling-fueled rant. I'm disabling comments for this, not because I don't want to hear what you have to say, but rather if you do, you'll know me well enough to tell me in person. Or the phone. Some of you live a bit too far away.
