Cut me open, doc

WELL.  I had my hysterosonogram yesterday.  It sucked.  I mean, it didn't hurt nearly as bad as the hysterosalpingogram, but it was still uncomfortable.  I cramped for hours after it was over.  Anyway, results.  I have two polyps in my uterus which the doc says will have to be surgically removed.  I'm waiting to hear from his office when that'll be scheduled (he drives in from Houston so availability is based on which Thursdays he can get time in the surgery area).  I'm a little nervous.  Well, a lot nervous now since I read over the process:  http://www.summitmedicalgroup.com/library/adult_health/obg_therapeutic_hysteroscopy_for_removal_of_uterine_polyp/

Doc said the polyps are most likely the reason I can't get pregnant, since they keep fertilized eggs from implanting.  I'm hoping that's all that's wrong and can get pregnant soon after their removal.  I really don't want to have to go through the pricey-ness of IVF.

Oh, and apparently my right ovary is a lazy bum.  Doc checked both ovaries and my left is right on schedule but my right is on vacation.  So the combination of lazy ovary and polyps are keeping me from my dream.

Ugh

Remember yesterday when I said M was being supportive?  I take it back.  Apparently I'm "very annoying" when I'm emotional.  I'm not even kidding, those words came out of his mouth.  Well excuuuuuuuse me for having hormones rage throughout my body every month, causing me to fly off the handle and/or cry at the drop of a hat.  I'm trying my best to not be emotional.  I'm not even crying about not being pregnant; we're taking steps to fix that.  No, this crying is for no reason at all and I can't explain why.  It's just your typical monthly hormones.

Sicko

I'm beginning to wonder what my coworkers think of me, having so many doctor appointments.  I mean, I also have my regular endocrinologist and dentist visits that I leave for, but now I'm leaving a lot for the specialist and therapist.  Oh well.  Let them think whatever.

I have my next appointment with the specialist on the 26th.  He wants to do a hysterosonogram to see if I'm actually producing eggs or just cysts in order to determine if I have PCOS.  I'm a little nervous, mostly because 3 years ago I had a hysterosalpingogram and it hurt like a MFer.  The nurse I spoke to today said there shouldn't be any pain, but possible cramping after.  Um, lady?  That's pain for me.  She suggested ibuprofen before and after.  Which I will definitely be doing.

I have my next therapy appointment on the 30th.  I'm looking forward to it.  M has been surprisingly supportive lately, trying to keep my spirits up.  I noticed that the week after my first appointment I ended up crying over everything.  I'm pretty sure the appointment left me emotionally raw.  Maybe that's what I need at this point.  To just get everything out instead of bottling it up.

Blood work

So a couple of weeks ago I saw the specialist and he ordered a bunch of bloodwork.  The results came back:

1) I have a Vitamin D deficiency and was ordered to take OTC Vitamin D3 tablets once a day.

2) My A1C was 5.7 (anything over 5.6 is at risk for diabetes).  I explained that my A1C has been yoyoing for the past year, every time I get it tested for my endocrinologist.  Also: I'd eaten earlier that day and usually my A1C is tested after fasting.  I'm supposed to "watch what I eat and exercise."  Basically everything I've been doing already.

3) (Bear with me, I missed a lot of what she was saying on this one)  Something about my body either doesn't produce enough folic acid or the blood is lacking whatever absorbs the folic acid.  All I got was "folic acid."  So she's sending a prescription to my pharmacy that I'm supposed to take once a day.

SO.  It's good to know that I'm not crazy and "perfectly healthy yet unable to conceive."  It does seem like there's something wrong with me, even if it's not major.  The nurse also wanted to know why I hadn't called to make my ultrasound appointment.  "Umm, bc I haven't started my period yet?"  Yeah, kinda have to wait for that to start before making the appointment.  I told her it should be within the next week so she'd be hearing from me soon.

I'm feeling better about this now.  One of the things I talked about with my therapist is hating the unknown.  I don't like looking into the future and not seeing a plan.  I need deadlines and due dates in order to keep from going crazy.  She knows my specialist (or least knows of him), and says that he always has a road map in his head of where to go.  It may look like a tree branch at first, but as things are ruled out the directions become clearer and more definitive.  So now all I need is to get M to provide his sample.

(side note: spellcheck says "folic" isn't a word)

Healing

Today I saw the psychotherapist.  She's really nice, and we spent an hour and a half talking.  I can't even remember how many times I sat there crying, but she was patient and encouraging.  We roughed out some problems that I need to work on, specifically identity issues.  Also anger.  She asked if I would be interested in antidepressants, but I expressed my concern over whether or not it would effect fertility and/or treatment.  She suggested that if, in the future I want to try them, to talk with the fertility specialist.  She would even sit in on the conversation with me if I want.  But for now I think just talking is what I need, which I expressed.  I'm seeing her again in 3 weeks, by which time I shall have seen my specialist.

This is the first time I've really sat down with someone (qualified) to talk about issues.  Approximately 8 years ago I was being bullied by my former boss, so I used my university's counseling center.  I was assigned a psych grad student, which was ok at the time, but I realize that as an adult, I need someone qualified to handle larger life issues.