Embryo Transfer

Guess who got her embryos transferred?! ME. This past Monday in fact. It was the easiest procedure of this entire endeavor. I got to see a picture of the embryos they were implanting, as well as the entire procedure taking place onscreen. 

The doctor and nurses were all very happy with the way things turned out. I get my pregnancy test on March 7th and I'll know that day whether or not it worked.

And yes, I'll say whether it worked or not, just not right away. If it works, I want to wait until I'm out of the first 3 months. And if it doesn't work, then I'm going to need time to mourn.

Extraction

I got the official word Saturday morning that my eggs would be extracted on Monday. So yesterday morning I made the early drive to Houston. It was a pretty easy procedure: I was under general anesthesia so I woke up and thought I'd only blinked and asked the doc when we were starting. "Oh, we're done!" Well alrighty then! It only took about 20 minutes.

So I get the call today that out of the 17 follicles I had growing, they harvested 8 mature eggs. Good news: all 8 were successfully fertilized! EIGHT POTENTIAL BABIES. They'll grow for 5-6 days then get frozen. I have to wait for my next cycle and then after that they can be implanted at any time.

I'M SO EXCITED!!!

Side Effects

More side effects from the FSH shots are emerging. Specifically, bloating. I went to New Orleans this past weekend and when I came back I'd gained a couple pounds. I figured it was from all the amazing food, but considering I'd walked ~10 miles each day, that couldn't have been the case. Nope. It was the shots. Bloating and weight gain. Great...

Another side effect I'm seeing an increase in is smell sensitivity. The floors are getting waxed this morning at work and as soon as I smelled it I wanted to hurl. Just now I went into the break room to refill my water and there was a BBQ potluck. I'm 100% on board with BBQ, but for some reason the smell just turned my stomach. Man, I hope that's not going to stick around if I get pregnant.

More drugs!

Friday morning I had bloodwork to check my E2 (Estradiol) levels. The doc called me Saturday to let me know that my levels were lower than they'd like, so I had to double my Menopur dosage. That shot already hurt enough as it was, now it hurts double.

I went this morning for more bloodwork (basically an every other day type thing) and a follicular ultrasound. No changes in my doses based on the blood, so that's good. Ultrasound showed 12 follicles on my right ovary (the lazy one!) and only 4 on my left. Most of them are between 8mm and 14mm, which the tech said was right on schedule. My doc will extract them when they've reached at least 22mm.

I go back in 2 days for more bloodwork and another ultrasound.

Cyst-emic?

I think I'm all out of words to insert "cyst" in.  Anyway, my doc called me yesterday afternoon.  He's putting me on birth control pills for a month to regulate my hormones aka shrink the current cyst and prevent any more from popping up.  Seems counterproductive, but I guess he knows what he's talking about.  M calls it my Anti-Pregnancy Pregnancy Pill.

Sidewaysedly: I learned that my insurance covers birth control pills 100%.  A nice surprise.  And a thankful one.  Could you imagine working for a company *cough* Hobby Lobby *cough* that doesn't?  So when I have a legit medical condition (PCOS with a massive cyst) that requires the pill to regulate my body to keep me from DYING (it's rare, but a ruptured cyst could cause a wicked infection), I'm able to get said medication at little or (in my case) no cost.  "Religious freedom." PUH.  My religious freedom is that I would like to not die at a young age and also to have children.  Bc yes, as weird as it seems to be taking birth control in order to have babies, there it is.  I wonder if HL would have a problem with THAT.

/End rant/

Cyst-o-matic

Had my follow up appointment with the specialist today.  The biopsy came back normal, as did M's sperm analysis (which resulted in a great big "I TOLD YOU SO").  One of the polyps he pulled was blocking my tube, so there was no way an egg could be fertilized.  Well that solves that.  He then said he was going to start me on Letrozole, in order to produce more eggs which would be followed by an HCG injection to force ovulation.  I had to have a quick ultrasound first to make sure everything was ok.  Well, it's not.  It seems I have a "rather large" cyst on my left ovary, which means I can't start the medication until it's gone.  I have to get another scan the first day of my next cycle to determine whether or not it dissolved on its own or will need help.  I'm hoping it goes away by itself.  The ultrasound tech explained that was why I was having severe pain on that side.  Good to know?  It still sucks though.  After leaving I sat in my car and cried.  Here I thought we'd be making a new set of plans to carry out but it ends up being more waiting.

M is trying to be supportive, but I think he realizes I need to vent & just be upset about it for a while.  He kept sending me links and info on cysts, which is fine, but the fact is I still have to wait until next week to determine whether or not we can move forward.

A little relief

It's now been two days since my friend told me she's pregnant.  I wasn't sure how I was supposed to act around her anymore.  I also realized that some of the texts I'd sent over the past couple months regarding other pregnant women haven't been kind.  So I found my girl-balls and apologized for them.  She had no idea what I was talking about.  That's good?  I also felt like I was going to lose my best friend, because who else was I going to talk to about how I felt.  So I re-found my girl-balls and asked if it would bother her if I talked smack about other pregnant women.  "Not at all."

Lesson learned: just because your friend is going through a new part of life doesn't mean she's going to forget the things that brought you together in the first place.

Therapy begins

As stated last year, I have been going through some serious emotional stuff with infertility.  I don't always have the support I need, or can actually talk to people about what I'm going though.  So a lot of this will probably be sporadic and spastic.  Sorry (not sorry).  Here goes:

Through my sister-in-law's entire pregnancy I wanted to hate her.  Obviously I love her, but I was extremely envious.  She was having freaking twins.  I could only handle going to one of her baby showers because the 1st one I went to I nearly broke down.  It took all the strength I had to not let a tear slip.  But you know as soon as I was alone I bawled like a baby.  Everything was fine though once the twins were born (boys).  The stress of needing to get pregnant went away and I was able to enjoy myself in everyday life.

A few pregnancies were announced on Facebook, and I tried not to let it bother me.  Most of the time I would just scroll right over belly pics or any kind of announcement (due date, sex of the baby, etc.).

I'm approaching the 1-year mark of last seeing my OB-GYN.  She wanted me to spend a year trying before moving to a more aggressive approach.  She put me under the care of an endocrinologist since my thyroid is out of whack.  He also discovered I'm on the line for pre-diabetes.  Currently I'm on 88 mcg/day Levothyroxine for the hypothyroidism and 2000 mg/day Metformin for the diabetes.  Turns out Metformin has other uses.  It's supposed to promote ovulation, which it's done (although nothing has come from it), and it's also a good weight loss pill.  Seriously, I've lost over 30 pounds over the past year.  That might not seem like a lot, considering my weight, but it's made a load of difference to me.

So things have been less stressful.  Until this past weekend.  My dearest friend (who has been battling her own problems with infertility and has been my rock) showed up at my apartment yesterday with a tray full of brownies.  She wanted to soften the blow of telling me she's pregnant.  Ok, so *obviously* I'm thrilled that she was able to overcome her own tribulations, but at the same time I was devastated.  I spent the rest of the day locked in the bathroom crying.  My husband kept telling me there was nothing to cry over, and of course that was the wrong thing to say.  I needed comfort and he couldn't give it.

I now feel like there's no one to talk to about what I'm going through.  There's no one else I know that's experiencing the same heartbreak as me.  The end of each month is depressing.  I don't even bother taking pregnancy tests anymore because I know I'll get a BFN.  I've stopped taking my pre-natal vitamins, because what's the point.

And it's not like I've sat around.  I've been very proactive in trying to get pregnant.  I've started using herbs, hoping that some combination of natural remedies will do the trick.  I take my temperature.  I use OPKs every month.  Nothing.  My mother keeps telling me to pray, but eventually I've learned to accept that my prayers are falling on deaf ears.  My faith in God has started to wane.  I pray all the time, yet MTV seems to have no lack of stars for "16 & Pregnant."

Anyway, this concludes Entry #1 of the new and improved blog.