Long time coming

Has it really been since November since I posted? Wow, sorry yall.  Here are some updates:

With the encouragement of my therapist and ob-gyn, I started anti-depressants.  What a difference!  I've been on them since February and honestly, I've never felt better.  All of the anger that has been plaguing me is gone.  I no longer feel like the world is out to get me.  I don't feel pressured to produce a kid.  I mean, I still want kids, but the thought of not having one doesn't send me into a depressive spiral.

We bought a house!  Granted, we can't move in until mid-August and our lease at the apartment is up at the end of July, so yeah, we'll be homeless for a couple of weeks.  Thankfully we have family that is willing to put up with us.

And that's it. I think?

Something new-ish

I saw my endocrinologist yesterday and told him about needing IVF.  He was very understanding, as he and his wife had to do the same for their two children.  We talked about alternative/homeopathic options, and he's open to me trying whatever herbs I want.  He also gave me the option of going on birth control for three months to "reset" my reproductive system.  I figure there's no harm, and it's free with insurance, so I agreed.  It's not like we were going to be able to do IVF right away.

Both sets of parents have agreed to help out with a portion of the cost, if needed (which probably, although I'm hoping against hope the BC regimen will work).  So if it comes down to it, we won't have to take out too large of a loan.

The best part of the visit with my endo was him telling me to cut the stress out (I know, easier said than done).  He said sometimes you just have to "tell everyone to screw off" while throwing up the bird.  Yeah, he's a keeper.

Ugh

Well, I met with my doctor last week and he thinks at this point the best option is IVF.  He gave me success rate percentages of other procedures, but they all have the same success rate as IUI (15-20%), whereas IVF has a success rate of 60%.  That's a significant difference.  M and I talked about it over the weekend and agreed it was our best option, even if it's going to be expensive.  After all, why spend a lot of money on multiple failed IUI cycles when we could just invest in IVF and (hopefully) be guaranteed a baby?  My doctor's financial department called yesterday with the numbers: TWENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS.  The majority of that includes dr visits, scans, blood work, etc.  $5000 of it is for medication.  Minus the $5000, it all has to be due at the beginning of the process.  Which means we somehow have to find $15,000.  That we don't have.  We already blew through our savings this year with our other combined medical expenses.  I'm told it's a 2 and a half month process.  But it'll take way longer than that to save up for it.  I'm pretty sure we're screwed, unless our parents decide to help.  Which I don't want to bank on.  My dr gave me 2 financiers who provide loans for IVF, so we'll probably try that.  Or I could always set up a Go Fund Me account.  Yall would donate, right?

Welp

So apparently I'm just not meant to be a mom.  I went through the entire process: letrozole, hcg shot, progesterone.  Did a blood test yesterday and I'm not pregnant.  Seeing the doctor tomorrow to see what's next.

Woot!

Good news: no more cyst!  I had my scan yesterday and the ultrasound tech was amazed that it went away within a month.  Apparently those birth control pills worked a little *too* well because she also spent 15 minutes just trying to find my ovary.  I ended up having to smash my hand over the area to try and get it to show up for her.  But she found it and the cyst is gone and all is right!

I get to start the letrozole next week and I'm excited.  I had it in my head that I would need surgery for the cyst to go away, so I'm still wrapping my head around the fact that I don't have to wait another month to get the ball rolling.  The only downside is my insurance doesn't cover fertility medication, so I'm basically looking at $300-400 for 10 days of pills and a vial of hcg to inject.  And another $200 for a scan to see whether I have enough viable eggs.  And other funds that I can't remember.  So basically between $700 and $1000.  All out of pocket.  UGH!  Birth control pill: covered 100%.  Want to have a baby but can't: ALL YOUR MONEY.

Cyst-emic?

I think I'm all out of words to insert "cyst" in.  Anyway, my doc called me yesterday afternoon.  He's putting me on birth control pills for a month to regulate my hormones aka shrink the current cyst and prevent any more from popping up.  Seems counterproductive, but I guess he knows what he's talking about.  M calls it my Anti-Pregnancy Pregnancy Pill.

Sidewaysedly: I learned that my insurance covers birth control pills 100%.  A nice surprise.  And a thankful one.  Could you imagine working for a company *cough* Hobby Lobby *cough* that doesn't?  So when I have a legit medical condition (PCOS with a massive cyst) that requires the pill to regulate my body to keep me from DYING (it's rare, but a ruptured cyst could cause a wicked infection), I'm able to get said medication at little or (in my case) no cost.  "Religious freedom." PUH.  My religious freedom is that I would like to not die at a young age and also to have children.  Bc yes, as weird as it seems to be taking birth control in order to have babies, there it is.  I wonder if HL would have a problem with THAT.

/End rant/

All Cyst-ems stop

Sooo my cyst is still there. BOO.  And it's roughly the size of the ovary it's on.  Greeeaaaat.  The tech said it *did* shrink, but only a millimeter.  So now I basically sit and wait for the doc to call with next steps (if any).