Wednesday, March 26, 2014


The majority of the past month as been pretty great.  A couple weekends ago I had brunch with some close friends, and that was nice.  Then that night I went out for drinks with some new friends, and actually had a great time, despite the depressing, rainy weather and the fact that I hate going out after dark.  Or being social period.  But all in all, it was a great day.

Last week I got to spend some time with my precious nephews.  They're growing like weeds and I hadn't seem them since Christmas.  M and I basically spent an entire afternoon watching/playing with them while my SIL passed out from exhaustion.  They're 7 months old now, so all they want to do is be entertained.  Challenge accepted!  I can't even begin to remember how many times we played Bounce the Baby.  They loved it.  And so did I.  Even when they spit up on me.

I'm slowly accepting that I'm more than just my inability to reproduce.  Mostly I try to stay busy, and that keeps my mind off of things.  M's been really supportive lately, I think he finally realized how low I really got.  I still haven't seen a therapist, even though I've been wanting to.  Mostly because I'm afraid of being prescribed medication that might interfere with the baby-making process.  Which is the reason I'd see someone in the first place.

Thursday, March 6, 2014


That's how this week has been.  I finally convinced M to collect a sample and that I would take it to the lab so he could avoid embarrassment.  WELL.  I should've known something was going to go wrong because the night before said collection I had a dream that he gave me the sample, I dropped it on the floor, and then had to scrape everything back in the tube (yeah, it was a tube in my dream, not a cup) but the lab wouldn't accept it because it had carpet in it.  So of course something was meant to go wrong.  Which it did.  The instructions that came with the cup specify the lab needs the *entire* sample, including everything that comes first (omg, seriously, no pun intended. I'm ashamed).  Well he came out of the room (oh god, I'm sorry, there's no way around that word) and threw the cup in the trash.  He said he missed the first couple of seconds therefore the entire sample was ruined.  Then he got really mad, saying that since he'd been tested 3 years ago and nothing was wrong, he doesn't see why he has to do it again.  Ugh.  So nothing was delivered to the lab.  He seems to be forgetting that my doctor won't refer me to a specialist until she gets the sample results.  Or that I can't seek out my own specialist because they're going to ask for a sample.  And also that maybe things might have changed in 3 years.  So I'm still stuck in limbo.

On the bright side, I think I've convinced M to try again next week.

Oh, and I also lost my thyroid medication last month and had to resort to a weaker dose until I could get my prescription refilled.  Which took a week because the pharmacy had to have my doctor's approval since I'd just had it refilled 3 weeks before losing it.  Ugh.  But I'm finally back on the correct dosage and feeling fine.  Because for a while there I had no energy.  All I wanted to do was sleep all the time but once lying down sleep would elude me.  Not fun.  But all is well again.  Well, except for no baby.